In The Beginning...

Once upon a time there was a world where dial up Internet was considered a luxury, Myspace had only one member (hi Tom), mobile phones resembled space shuttles and the world was without Australia’s Next Top Model.

We have come a long way.

Twas the year 2005. And what a historical year in media it was...Martha Stuart went to Jail, Rehab became the new celebrity holiday hot spot and Paris Hilton continued to waste valuable air...time.

But it wasn't all bad...the year 2005 gave birth to an Aussie Top Model!

I remember my very first Australia's Next Top Model experience like it was yesterday...

Let’s take a (power) walk down memory lane shall we…*cue “The Way We Were” by Barbara Streisand…

I was spending some intimate one on one time with my couch, remote in one hand and empty box of chocolates in the other (ahhh heaven). Suddenly a bevy of beautiful girls begin to invade my TV, strutting up and down a runway and declaring why they want to be models..."I want to be a model, because I want to be famous," says one hopeful. "I have what it takes", says another. I immediately feel ashamed of my sloth like behavior and try to fight my couch's quicksand like capabilities in an effort to get a closer look at the models, secretly hoping to find any sign of human flaws.

Despite realizing Australia is full of beautiful model types and that I am definitely not one of them, ANTM and I have been inseparable ever since our first time. Through the highs ("game on mole") and the lows (Cassandra and Paloma’s "street fight"…oh wait that’s a high) the memories will always reside in the corners of my mind.

What is your favorite Australia’s Next Top Model moment?

Is Alice STILL peeling?

If you were born yesterday or have been living under a rock, you would be forgiven for not knowing who Alice Burdeu is. For the rest of you, I screech this in my most disappointed, motherly voice: GET WITH THE PROGRAM! FOX8's Australia's Next Top Model Program that is! :)

For those of you who missed Season 3 of Australia's Next Top Model, let me fill you in on who Burdeu is...

Alice Burdeu was an unknown skinny strawberry blond from Melbourne who caught the eye of Producers at the ANTM Auditions and landed herself a spot on the show. After impressing the shows Judges (including Alex Perry, Charlotte Dawson and Kirstie Clements of Vogue Australia) with her "unique" and "something special" look, Alice won the title of Top Model and has become THE most successful contestant EVER to come out of the International Top Model Franchise.

Alice has graced the covers of Vogue Australia (twice) and Harper's Bazaar and is a favourite on the New York, London and Milan Runways, modelling for D&G, Lanvin, Louis Vuitton and Alexander McQueen, just to name a few.

It's official, the red head is on FIRE!

Those of you who DID watch Alice make her TV debut would remember her most for being the hypochondriac outcast of Season 3 (success is the sweetest revenge) and who could forget her trademark wispy voice, precious personality and of course, that pale skin.

So ghostly white is Alice, I began to wonder where I had seen this type of phenomenon before and after years of investigation, found the following evidence...

So its little wonder the poor little petal is afraid of the BIG BAD SUN!

Alice knows she "has to be careful" of UV Rays, but on a particularly fateful day, the unthinkable happened...Alice was accidentally exposed to the sun.

Here's what happened...

There is no need to worry Alice...Axolotls shed their skin too, so I'm sure its only natural that it "all peeled off".

DO THE BART MAN...MAN!

Remember the Bart Man Song? Why not sing along...

Yo! Hey what's happening dude?
I'm a guy with a rep for bein' rude.
Terrorizin' people wherever I go,
It's not intentional, just keepin' the flow.
Fixin' test scores to get the best scores,
Droppin' banana peels all over the floor,
I'm the kid that made delinquency an art,
Last name, Simpson; first name, Bart.
I'm here today to introduce the next phase,
The next step in the big Bart craze.
I got a dance, real easy to do,
I learned it with no rhythm and so can you!
So move your body, if you got the notion,
Front to back in a rock-like motion.
Now that you got it, if you think you can,
Do it to the music, that's the Bartman
Everybody if you can, do the Bartman!
Shake you body, turn it out, if you can, man!
Move you butt to the side, yes you can, can!
Everybody in the house, do the Bartman

It wasn't long ago, just a couple of weeks,
I got in trouble, yeah, pretty deep.
Homer was yellin', mom was, too,
Because I put mothballs in the beef stew.
Punishment time, in the air lurks gloom,
Sittin' by myself, confined to my room.
When all else fails, nothin' else left to do,
I turn on the music, so I can feel the groove!

Move your body, if you got the notion,
Front to back in a rock-like motion.
Move your hips from side to side now,
Don't ya slip, let your feet glide now.
If you've got the groove, you gotta use it.
Rock rhythm in time with the music.
You just might start a chain reaction
If you can do the Bart, you're bad like Michael Jackson.

Everybody if you can, do the Bartman!
Shake you body, turn it out..If you can, man!
Move your butt to the side as you can, can!
Everybody in the house do the Bartman
Do the Bartman!

Wicked Simpsons/ Mad Men Mash Up

If you love The Simpsons on FOX8 and Mad Men on Movie Network you're in for a treat.

Taken literally

So simple, yet so stupidly funny.

It's got nothing to do with FOX8, but if you're looking to kill a few minutes at work......it's Take On Me the literal version.

Genius.

OMFG

“EVERY PARENT'S NIGHTMARE”, and “MIND-BLOWINGLY INAPPROPRIATE” are just some of the reviews the new season of Gossip Girl has recieved.

If you somehow missed the point of the ads which blatantly scream SEX! SEX! And yes, MOOOORE SEX! The message should be clear after watching the first episode of the new season. Gossip Girl contains (*GAAASSSP!!!!*) SEX!

What do you expect? The show centres around a group of hormonally fuelled teens who will jump on anything that moves, so I like our chances of witnessing one or more of these encounters. And let’s face it, it is after all the PG, TV kind of “love making” which usually consists of a bit of choreographed bump and grind mixed to a soft rock love track and topped off with just the right amount of effective mood lighting (hey, it gets me in the mood)...

ANYWAY...my point is, I find Gossip Girl’s so called sex scenes no more offensive than a modern day music video. If 'Madge' can share her 'Vag' with the entire universe, then so too should the Upper East Side teens be left in peace to “dirty dance” with whomever they please!

It's all in the art of promotion if you ask me...

tame...

Idol Therapy

Have you ever noticed how good you feel about yourself after watching an episode of the American Idol Auditions? An hour of Idol and I guarantee (or your money back) your self esteem will skyrocket!

My theory is that most of us have experienced at least one horribly embarrassing moment in our lives which has left us feeling like a big pile of steaming shhhikkaka. This is why I believe audiences around the world are captivated by programs like Idol. It provides us with the guilty pleasure to point and laugh at other people's expense and it feels incredibly good whilst doing it.

After watching the auditions, I am feel consumed by self love and often curious about my own singing ability so love nothing more than to finish my American Idol night off with a good ol' sesh in the shower. (My fave tunes include a few Cranberries classics and Tina Turner Power Ballads).

I hope the new season of American Idol will feature my favourite types of hopefuls; The Mariah Carey wannabes and Celine Dion delusionoids and I always look forward to the new breeds of weirdo that creep out of the woodwork.

So in summary, if you are looking for TV that's going to make you feel good, I suggest you tune in to American Idol. Other "feel good" favorites of mine include Cheaters and Jerry Springer (Oh lordie, don’t get me started).